Woolsey Family Chronicles

Documenting the journey of raising triplets and their wild big sister

WTF Wednesday February 29, 2012

Filed under: wtf wednesday — The Hip Mothership @ 3:18 pm
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I stopped by Old Navy the other day.  It yielded anti-frugal results.

I had spent all of January and half of February in a shopping cleanse.  I must say, not spending money and buying on impulse is exhilarating.  I would see fabulous sales on the Garnet Hill or Athleta websites and I would be forced to ask myself, “do I really need this item, or do I just WANT it.”  The answer was always “i just want it.”  What I NEEDED was to spend $350 on gas and $350 0n my electric bills in one month, apparently.

I had a sort of binge session at Old Navy the other day, and the above image is the receipt I have to show for it.

WTF.

Sadly, this receipt is only 3/4 of the actual receipt since the full receipt was ripped accidentally.

Old Navy was having an incredible sale on kids’ clothing. Unbelievable.  The bottom line is that I just can’t pass up incredible deals when faced with adorable children’s clothing.  So, I bought bathing suits, shorts, sundresses, fancy girls’ shoes.

I spent $450 at Old Navy.  I saved $250.  In other words I bought $650 in clothing.  I like to spin it like this: I needed some birthday presents for my little girls who love pretty things, so I bought them some birthday presents and saved $250!

I did use my Old Navy credit card and, as the very friendly gay spunky Old Navy employee informed me, I am going to be receiving a whole $20 back in Old Navy Bucks.

So I have that going for me, which is nice.

Until next time, the mothership is signing off.

 

WTF Wednesday February 15, 2012

Filed under: American Girl Doll white trash cousin,wtf wednesday — The Hip Mothership @ 5:26 pm

This afro nappy hair hot mess is Eva. She is a disaster. She wasn’t always this way, though.  She used to be well-groomed, preppy and attractive.  Now she looks like she has had an addiction to methamphetamines for the past two years, or perhaps she is a crack-head.

Ava is concerned about the state of Eva’s hair.  She wants it combed and she wants Eva to look presentable.  A few weeks ago on the way home from the bus stop she randomly asked me if I would help her fix Eva’s hair when we got home.  Kendall, who I also drive home from the bus stop, piped in that she would help Ava fix Eva’s hair because she has lots of American Girl dolls and she is very good at fixing their hair.

Here is the problem.  Eva is not an American Girl doll.  A few years ago for Christmas Ava asked for an American Girl doll.  Chris and I debated about whether we should buy her this doll for months.  American Girl dolls are expensive — around $150 — and Ava had previously never shown interest in dolls.  She didn’t pick up and play with a single doll until her little sisters became interested in them.  So, we thought, is it wise to buy such an expensive doll for someone who may never play with her?

We went to Target and bought Eva. Eva was the $20 knockoff of the American Girl doll. Quite a bargain.  Eva is the white trash trailer park cousin to her American Girl doll counterpart.  To this day, Ava has absolutely no idea that Eva is the white trash cousin.  She thinks she has a real American Girl doll.  It is brilliant.

The problem is, that when Kendall told Ava that she was going to comb Eva’s hair because “she is so good at combing American Girl doll hair,” I was concerned.  No, Eva does not have American Girl doll hair.  I don’t know what they made Eva’s hair out of at some sweatshop in China, but it is definitely not soft and luxurious and fixable like American Girl doll hair.  Eva’s hair is corse and feels like it may be filled with chemicals.  I could barely run a brush through it.  I tried for way too long to get Eva’s hair to a presentable place, but it is just not possible.

Yesterday Ava came up to me holding Eva and she said it her most sad and pathetic voice, “momma, Eva has a broken leg!”  Sure enough, Eva’s leg had suffered some sort of trauma because it half hanging off her cheap plastic hip-joint.

Eva has issues.

The bottom line is that Eva needs to go to rehab.  Ava and I cannot help her.  Kendall cannot help her.  No one can.  She needs to help herself.

Until next time, the mothership is signing off.

 

 

WTF Wednesday February 8, 2012

Filed under: new age,wtf wednesday — The Hip Mothership @ 7:43 pm
Tags: , , ,

New Age Beverage?

WTF?

I found this sign while I was shopping for a few things at Food 4 Less. Now, I don’t usually shop at Food 4 Less because even though you can save a lot of money there, the ambience is lacking. Plus, you are forced to bag your own groceries, which never seems like it should be my job. Food 4 Less is good for Mexican foods, which is what I needed the day I found myself there.

So I literally did a screeeeeeeech. Backed up my cart (beep, beep, beep) and stared at this sign for a while.

What is a new age beverage?

I’ve heard of a lot of new age stuff. I know a lot of people who would fit absolutely perfectly under the title of “new age”. There are the avid Whole Foods shoppers, yogis, people who practice Reiki, meditation, those who only eat food grown on their organic farms, Dr. Deepak Choprah, Dr. Wayne Dyer, new age music, the Age of Aquarius, astrology, and crystal healing.

So WTF is a new age beverage? I googled it. It turns out that it is a brand name. New Age Beverage produces Aspen Pure Rocky Mountain water as well as All Natural Xintea- a blend of back and green tea. Also falling into the “new age category” are energy drinks.

The most favorite thing I found about “new age” is the following YouTube video. It turns out I have a touch of “new age” myself.

Until next time, the mothership is signing off.

 

WTF Wednesday January 18, 2012

Filed under: wtf wednesday — The Hip Mothership @ 5:41 pm
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Will you look at this dog? Eating food from my island counter? WTF?

I have had this dog a long 10 years. She is a big pain in my ass. I will never get another dog again (I can feel all of your glares, animal lovers). It is not that I don’t like animals. I actually really love animals, I just do not want them shedding and giving me more work in my house when I have four small children. I like animals in other people’s homes.

So, this dog of mine hasn’t always been a counter grazer. This bad habit began somewhere around the time of the birth of the triplets. This most annoying habit began, most likely, because the mangy mutt saw that I didn’t have the time or energy to beat her or seriously reprimand her for her very tacky behavior.

So what she does is circle the kitchen like a great white shark. When she sees us leave, if there is any food remaining on the kitchen table or counters, she stretches her front paws up and clears all the plates.

One time I made a banana bread and left it on the bread board and she ate the whole thing. WTF.

So, the crime is bad for three reasons:

1. We get our food eaten by a dog all the time

2. When she eats it she drags it onto my carpet and makes a huge mess

3. She later throws up on my carpet this neon yellow barf that won’t come out so I have to pay carpet cleaners to come take care of it.

As I am typing this, I just looked over and saw a plate face down on my carpet. Hmmmm, what was that I wonder? It couldn’t be the sausage from breakfast could it since I put it way back against the wall where I thought she couldn’t reach it? Oh yes, it was. Her reach and flexibility are getting better, either because of all the practice she gets in food thievery, or maybe she is doing doggie yoga in her spare time.

My dog’s counter grazing is so bad that the kids, who often start eating and then realize they all have to go to the bathroom at the same time, worry about their food when they are gone. “Mommy, will you watch my food so Sage doesn’t eat it?” they always ask me when they leave the table.

Her other bad qualities are that she beats up other dogs, sneaks out my front door when anyone is trying to get in or out of my house and then doesn’t come back when I call her, and tries to sleep on my furniture when we are not home.

Does anybody need a wonderful dog? Seriously, let me know.

Until next time, the mothership is signing off.

 

WTF Wednesday Edition January 12, 2012

Filed under: wtf wednesday — The Hip Mothership @ 3:57 am
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I am doing a new segment of my blog called WTF Wednesday. This is not original to the blogging world, but it is original to my blog.

On this weeks edition we will explore my bathtub faucet. WTF.

Why must I use my wrench to turn the hot water on when I take a bath. All I want to do is get in my nice tub and sink into the luxurious hot water and read my book after a long day of taking care of kids. Why must I go get a wrench and use it to turn on and off the water. That is so lame.

So I asked my husband if he would kindly place the handle back onto the deadly piece of metal sticking up from my bathtub, to which he replied, “we are gonna need a new faucet.”

What?? I have to wait an entire who knows how long to get a new faucet? I am going to be wrenching it for a lot longer than I anticipated.

Why, you may ask, is my faucet handle broken? Well, I actually have an answer to that, and it is triplet related.

When the triplets were wee lasses and lads, they LOVED to make a game out of turning the hot and cold water on and off and on and off the entire length of their bath experience. Chris and I, having tired of trying to reason with almost 2 year old triplets, decided maybe it would be easier to remove the entire GD thing. So we did. Each time those triplets took a bath, we yanked those faucet handles right off. When they got out of the bath, we would pop those rustic brass babies right back into place. Well, eventually a minuscule plastic piece broke off of the inside of the handle, never to be seen again.

A casualty of triplet mayhem. It isn’t the first. It certainly won’t be the last.

Until next time, the mothership is signing off.