This weekend Ava has been away with Gigi, Gramps, Auntie and Uncle Nima to Oregon to celebrate my Nana’s 90th birthday. She was so excited to go on the airplane and on vacation, but mostly she was excited about the birthday cake that would be served at Nana’s birthday party on Saturday. Although our little Ava is tons of work on top of newborn triplets, we miss her sweet little face and her vivacious personality around this house when she is gone.
Last night was a tough night for sleep in the Woolsey house. I don’t know if there was something that I ate that migrated into my breast milk and caused the babies to be unsettled and unhappy, but there was not much sleep happening. We could not get the babies to settle down. They were all fussy and crying, which is unusual for them. We ended up feeding them at 2am and tried to put them to sleep in their crib, but again they weren’t having any of it. Finally I grabbed Elsa and Chris grabbed Violet and we snuggled them up to us so we could all sleep. Preston seemed the least fussy so we left him in his crib. Well, sure enough, we got the girls settled and peaceful in our bed and Preston started to cry. It broke my heart to think of him abandoned by his family and left to fend for himself in the crib alone (dramatic, I know), so Chris got him and put him next to Elsa and I in bed and alas, there was sleep. So, we all slept from about 3 to 7 in the morning. Good thing we have a King sized bed to accommodate all of us. We are absolutely exhausted today and hoping for a better night sleep tonight.
I woke up this morning having one of my guilty mom moments that I dread. I was, yet again, feeling guilty and sad that Ava and I used to do everything together – parks, gymnastics, music class, just playing in her room, etc. – and now I am left pumping and breastfeeding three babies all day without much time for Ava. I was Ava’s playmate and constant companion, which was exhausting and didn’t always make me happy, but it made Ava happy and it saved me from any kind of mommy guilt. Since I was 20 weeks pregnant, Ava has not had me in the same way she used to. She has not been lacking any fun or love or attention, but she has been lacking having her mommy as her everyday buddy. Her nanny Laura picks her up from preschool Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings. On Wednesday I went to pick Ava up from preschool but I didn’t tell her I was doing it because it was a last minute decision. I cannot write in words the excitement Ava expressed as I walked through that door to pick her up. It was like the best thing that has happened to her all month that I was picking her up from preschool. It took a lot for me not to start crying at her reaction. Then as we walked out the front door hand in hand Ava looked up at me and said “thank you so much mommy for picking me up from preschool”. Later when I thought about that moment I couldn’t help but feel sad and guilty, instead of happy that Ava loves me so much. I felt like I have abandoned her and she has been so forgiving about it. I know, probably dramatic again. So I decided that I will be picking Ava up from preschool every Wednesday from now on. Every little thing that I can do to show Ava I am there for her will help to make her transition into life with triplets a little easier I hope.
I know Ava didn’t ask for three siblings at the same time who she will have to share her attention with, but Chris reminds me how lucky she is to have these sisters and brother in her life forever and the fun they will have together. He also reminds me that even though my time with her isn’t as much as it used to be, I am still home for Ava every day.
We posted a new slideshow of Ava on Easter and the babies. They are some fun pictures so check them out!
Until next time, the sleep deprived overdramatic mothership is signing off. . .